I belong to a fabulous celebrant association called: Civil Celebrants Network CCN and recently I wrote a blog post for our association blog all about where wedding anniversary symbols originated.  I found it so interesting that I wanted to share it here with you as well.

Enjoy………

Have you ever wondered about what wedding anniversary symbols are all about?

No one knows precisely when wedding anniversaries were first celebrated, but the tradition is believed to go back at least to the Middle Ages.  At that time in the Germanic regions of Europe, a husband crowed his wife with a silver wreath on the 25th anniversary of their wedding day.  If the couple was fortunate to live long enough, the husband presented his wife with a gold wreath on their 50th wedding anniversary.

Over the years more symbols have been added and it is generally believed that increasingly durable gifts were chosen for successive years to represent the progressive strengthening of the marriage relationship.  As the years go by, the gifts increase in strength and worth from paper to diamond.

1st Wedding Anniversary

Paper

Photo: Pixabay

The first year of marriage is like a clean sheet of paper, a new beginning upon which to write your story through the years together.  Also like paper, it is fragile and can easily rip, not having yet been tried by the fires of adversity and the storms of life.

2nd Wedding Anniversary

Cotton

Photo: Pixabay

Like the interwoven fibres of cotton, the second year of marriage brings a couple closer together as their lives become increasingly intertwined.  As cotton is at the same time both strong and soft, the couple is learning how to be flexible and adapt to each other’s needs.

3rd Wedding Anniversary

Leather

Leather has traditionally symbolised protection and covering; our ancestors covered and protected themselves from the elements with the leather hides of animals.  The bonds of marriage offer security and shelter as each partner takes care of the other.  Now in its third year, the growing relationship is becoming a source of stability for the married couple.

4th Wedding Anniversary

Fruit & Flowers

During the fourth year of marriage, the budding relationship is beginning to blossom like a flower and ripen like fruit.  Just as fruit nourishes the body and flowers the soul, so the deepening commitment and nurturing love of the couple brings refreshment and renewal to the marriage.

5th Wedding Anniversary

Wood

Photo: Aleksandr Volkov – Fine Art America

In ancient times, trees symbolised strength and wisdom.  By the fifth year of marriage, the married couple is developing strong, deep roots like a venerable oak tree and is gaining insight and understanding from the mistakes and stumblings of the first five years.  The pair has learned the most important lesson of all and the secret to a successful marriage – forgiveness.

6th Wedding Anniversary

Sweets

As candy is to the taste, so romance is to marriage: sugary sweet.  Celebrating the sixth year of marriage offers a time to rekindle the flames of love and passion that brought the two of you together.

7th Wedding Anniversary

Copper & Wool

Both copper and wool are known for producing heat.  Therefore they represent warmth, comfort, safety and security – necessary ingredients for a healthy and stable marriage.

8th Wedding Anniversary

Bronze

The gifts for wedding anniversaries tend to increase in substance and value over time as marriage itself should grow and strengthen over time.  Bronze is stronger than both iron and copper, symbols of earlier years of marriage, because it is a blend of two metals (copper and tin).  This mixture represents the union of two lives and the strength resulting from combining time with perseverance.

9th Wedding Anniversary

Pottery & Willow

A potter moulds a lump of clay, shaping it on the potter’s wheel, and then fires it in the over, creating something both rich and beautiful.  So too, the marriage of two people is moulded and shaped by choices and experiences, fired in the oven of adversity, and over time, something beautiful emerges.

10th Wedding Anniversary

Tin

Tin symbolises preservation and longevity.  At one time, food was stored in tin-plated iron cans, the tin protected the iron from rust and corrosion, preserving the food inside, potentially forever.  A couple at the milestone anniversary of ten years has the ability to go the distance.  Therefore, the tenth anniversary should be celebrated with special honour.

11th Wedding Anniversary

Steel

Steel is one of the strongest, most durable metals in the world, and therefore a fitting symbol for the eleventh anniversary.  The cord binding the marriage together can no longer be easily broken, if it ever could.  Strength and permanence define this milestone anniversary.

12th Wedding Anniversary 

Silk

A couple that reaches twelve years of marriage has, undoubtedly, sailed through many rough waters and overcome a great many obstacles in their relationship.  Having been strengthened by enduring difficulties, they now eagerly anticipate that the road ahead will be smooth as silk.  It is time to enjoy the finer things in life.  Celebrate this anniversary by taking time to indulge in luxury and pleasure.

13th Wedding Anniversary

Lace

A lace signifies refined beauty and elegance, so a marriage of thirteen years exemplifies polished and perfected love.  The passage of time has created a delicate but strong object of beauty.

14th Wedding Anniversary

Ivory

Ivory symbolises purity and innocence.  Rare and beautiful, this precious commodity signifies the integrity of fidelity of the marriage relationship and the extraordinary sense of commitment two people must have to make a marriage last fourteen years.  Loyalty and devotion are qualities worthy of commemoration. Recently there has been a change made to the traditional gift of ivory due to the devastating effect on the lives of elephants, therefore it is recommended that you choose imitation ivory or a piece of elephant jewellery.

15th Wedding Anniversary

Crystal

Crystal is the first truly expensive gift in the traditional anniversary list.  The costliness of crystal is representative of the sacrifice and investment the couple has made to the marriage over the past fifteen years.  Crystal also symbolises clarity and transparency, reflecting the state of the couple’s relationship.  They now know each other better than they know themselves.

20th Wedding Anniversary

China 

China symbolises the beautiful, elegant and fragile nature of love.  It is a reminder not to take your marriage for granted, but to continue to care for it so your love will flourish.  In addition, just as china, although fragile, is also durable and long-lasting, so a twenty year marriage has withstood the test of time.

25th Wedding Anniversary

Silver

Silver is one of the most precious metals known to man.  It has always been prized the world over and considered very valuable.  It is therefore an appropriate symbol for the twenty fifth wedding anniversary.  Like silver, may your marriage continue to shine in splendour and radiance all of your days as you grow old together.

30th Wedding Anniversary

Pearl 

Lying hidden deep inside the shell of an oyster is one of the most exquisite and treasured gems imaginable: the pearl.  Symbolising hidden beauty, the pearl reminds the maturing couple that true beauty comes from within and that what is most valuable is the shared experience of life with another.

35th Wedding Anniversary

Coral

Coral has often been called the “garden of the sea” because it covers the ocean floor.  In ancient times it was considered sacred and believed to contain magical properties of protection from sickness and harm.  It was also thought to represent the life force due to its blood red appearance.  Like coral, loyalty and commitment are the lifeblood of a good marriage and love the shield that protects the union.

40th Wedding Anniversary

Ruby

Symbolising love and passion, the ruby is one of the most coveted gemstones of all.  Within the heart of this stone is thought to lie a flame of fire that grows brighter with each passing year, just like the flame of a forty year marriage.

45th Wedding Anniversary

Sapphire

For long ages the stone of royalty, the sapphire is the perfect gem to honour a forty five year marriage.  Two people together for this length of time are a shining example to all married couples.  Theirs is a union worthy of admiration and respect.

50th Wedding Anniversary

Gold

Only one gift can rightly capture the crowning achievement of lifelong love: gold.  Symbolising prosperity, strength, and wisdom, it represents the essence of what a fifty year marriage should be.

Why not give me a buzz and we can talk about how to turn your next wedding anniversary into a special, meaningful ceremony.

Maybe you’ll even consider renewing your wedding vows???

This post “What is the Power of Celebration?” written by Certified Career and Life Coach, Michael Feeley was found in The Huffington Post and was read by yours truly after a meeting of celebrant colleagues had discussed how fabulous it was and how it embodied the true meaning of celebration.

I wanted to share it here with you without all the flashing adverts on the side.

 You’re welcome.

What is the Power of Celebration?

How happy and excited are you when you celebrate something?

You celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays — all kinds of personal and special occasions. You give a card or gift, call the person, throw a party, go to lunch or dinner and surprise someone with your love. You think and feel so deeply for the person or people, and it gives you out-and-out, crashing joy.

Those emotions, ceremonies, giving and big feelings of love are all gratitude.

The other morning our phone rang around 7:30 a.m., and the person said, “I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to call right away to wish you — happy anniversary!” It was 100-percent lush, open gratitude.

The power of celebration is this — you are grateful and happy.
Celebration and gratitude are one and the same.

Let’s get more specific

When you celebrate someone’s birthday you’re saying — “I’m grateful you were born.”
An anniversary — “I love you. I’m grateful for our marriage.”
Holidays –Thanksgiving, the Forth of July and Bastille Day, all hail gratitude — “We’re independent. We celebrate living free of tyranny.”
All religions celebrate a higher being… something larger than us… a mighty force that created the world. Terms don’t matter. Call it God, reality or the universe.
Art is a celebration — Music like Mozart’s, “Alleluia,” is utter praise of the world in one word, sung in many different ways.
The musical group, Three Dog Night, sings — “Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music… “

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Modern dance icon Martha Graham expresses it this way,

Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It’s a miracle and the dance is a celebration of that miracle.

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Vincent Van Gogh painted “Starry Night” and “Sunflowers” out of love…

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.

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Poet, Walt Whitman said,
I celebrate myself, and sing myself.

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Parades, customs, prayer, shows, rites, biographies, commemorations, forgiveness, traditions, flower blossoms, friendship… are all an intricate part of gratitude and celebration.

Celebration is active, specific and abundant, as you can see from these examples. Gratitude is simply another word for it. Celebration is gratitude.

Look around you right now. There is something to celebrate; many things to celebrate. Pick one and start an active moment of celebration, an object of gratitude, a taste of celebration, a touch of gratitude, a smell of celebration or a sound of gratitude.

There’s the sun. It rises each day and celebrates with light, heat and growth. We depend on the sun for life. Its brilliance and warmth is a celebration. The power is amazing and gratifying all at once.

Doing the things you love is a way of celebrating and participating in the power and love of gratitude.

For me it’s meditation, gardening, writing, music, being in love and playing with my dog, Tulla. She wakes up every day and always has celebration in her spirit. She’s not moody or tired. She looks forward to breakfast, going outside, and then brings a toy to play… racing and fetching. She shares her happy self. That’s gratitude.

Also — don’t limit your love to just an intimate circle of friends and family. What about spreading celebration to other people, heading into universal love and appreciation? Just like Earth Day.

Where’s the celebration and gratitude in struggle and pain?

Things can be tragic and unbearable in life sometimes, but when you get through it there is tremendous relief. You’re changed. You learn and grow and become strong. The relief is celebration and gratitude for living through hell.

Even in death, we celebrate a person’s life and meaning. Pain and loss have celebration because you feel so much, no matter how bad it may seem. The agony and hurt comes from loving and missing. When we remember and honor the life of someone, their memory is a celebration. You have gratitude to them for being in your life and your loving memories are a personal celebration and tribute to them.

Wikipedia says, “A funeral is a ceremony for celebrating, respecting, sanctifying, or remembering the life of a person who has died.”

What ruins and spoils celebration?

Ingratitude. Selfishness. Greed. Bitterness. Resentment. Anger. Anything negative that tightens you up, restricts and diminishes goodness, kindness and pleasure, kills gratitude and celebration.

You know people who prefer pain and unhappiness. They like to complain about everyone and everything. They choose misery over celebration. It’s destruction — the opposite of celebration.

How does this feel to you? “Let’s cheat and fool people. Let’s treasure our greed and celebrate that. Let’s overcharge people and not care at all.”

Scrooge did it in Charles Dickens tale, A Christmas Carol. Enron did it. Bernie Madoff did it. Brooke Astor’s son did it. They took advantage of people — they took more than they deserved.

Scrooge did change. That’s the beauty of Dickens’ story — he made a new and better choice to celebrate life and give back. Gratitude is way bigger than greed.

What stands for who you truly are and how you want to live — being dishonest or being grateful and good?

How can you be honest and kind all the time, not off and on, not a tiny bit of giving when you feel like it… but all the time?

We make choices and take action every second of our lives, to be a certain way… to either be negative or positive; grateful or resentful; happy or miserable; complaining, cold and mean or sincerely warm, kind and happy. Choices have consequences.

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People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state — it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle… Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions. — Abraham Joshua Heschel

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The energy of celebration is tremendous! Why not make it the predominant energy, choice and force that runs your life? Play at it. Commit. Have fun and see the results. Reap the bounty and benefits of “gratitudbration” or “celebratude.” They’re exactly the same no matter how you mix them up.

Don’t put celebration off for another moment or for a special occasion. Tap into it. Step in and live the joyous power of celebrating and being grateful for life.

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The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. — Oprah Winfrey

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When my friends, Tanya and Nick got married at their vintage inspired wedding, everything was so gloriously beautiful that an article was written on the Love My Dress blog entitled:

PEACOCKS AND BUTTERFLIES – AN ELEGANT 1920S GATSBY AND 1930S DECO ELEGANCE INSPIRED WEDDING

By Annabel at www.lovemydress.net

Please enjoy…….

A Beautiful, Vintage Inspired Wedding

Not too long ago I was a guest at two of my favourite friends – Tanya and Nick’s wedding in the UK.

Tanya is a freelance creative art worker who is super clever and stylish and Nick is an IT wizz who loves Sci-fi and is quietly hilarious.  They have great love story.  It was suggested by mutual friends that they meet as they were sure the two would get along.  The first (blind) date was set and they were to meet under the state of Eros – The Greek God Of Love in London’s Piccadilly Circus.

Quite fortuitous, some might say…..

That date was the first of many.

Skipping ahead somewhat past the courting stage and the moving in stage to the proposal – in France, no less – this couple just screams ‘romance’!  Nick had procured Tanya’s Grandmother’s engagement ring from Tanya’s parents without her knowing and had it resized to fit her dainty fingers.

Their wedding theme began with the 1920’s ring and developed into a vintage, art deco – think Great Gatsby with peacock feathers extravaganza.

“Tanya’s dress was from the made to measure collection by vintage wedding dress specialists, Hope and Harlequin – created using an original 1930s dress pattern.” Annabel, www.lovemydress.net

“My bias-cut dress was created using a gorgeous 1930s chevron pattern, from lustrous heavy champagne silk satin. It featured a stunning back view with an elegantly plunging v and a beautiful floppy bow at the waist.  I tried on a range of original vintage dresses prior to the made-to-measure collection which were all gorgeous, but as soon as I slipped on the ‘Chevron’ dress it was the wow moment every bride is waiting for.” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Tanya’s “something old” was her Great Grandmother’s lace veil……

“When we held up my great grandmother’s delicate lace vintage veil (over 100 years old!) against the dress, I was thrilled that the style and colour was a perfect match. We decided to arrange it as a demure shrug for the Church service rather than a traditional veil, draping down my back to show off the scalloped edges and compliment the low V of the back.” Tanya via lovemydress.net  

Living in England, there was no shortage of beautiful flowers and luckily – relatives with very green thumbs and extraordinary flower arranging skills.

“We are fortunate to have a very green-fingered family, and subsequently all the stunning flower arrangements, including Dahlias and lace cap hydrangeas, in the church and reception were lovingly home grown by both our mums, and Nick’s Aunties Mavis and Doreen. We also foraged for Ivy in the local woods the day before!” Tanya via lovemydress.net

From the amazing bouquets to the gorgeous table centre pieces……..

……. to the Groom and Groomsmen’s button holes – these generous and creative ladies did an exquisite job.

The location for this elegant shindig was Firle Place – a little village off a country Road in the heart of Sussex Downs, about 100kms from London. In the centre of the village sits The Ram Inn – a traditional open-fire inn with exceptional locally-sourced and produced food. The village also has its own blacksmith, one of the oldest cricket clubs in the world (founded in 1758) and even a well-known bonfire society.

The beautiful 13th Century St Peter’s Church in Firle contains, amongst many other things, a large stained glass window by John Piper depicting Blake’s Tree of Life.

“We fell in love with Firle Place as soon as we set eyes on it! Nestled in the South Downs, it’s a stunning private residence steeped in history. Sir John Gage, a close friend of Henry VIII, built the manor house in the early 16th century, and we knew straight away the barn style riding school and beautiful grounds would be perfect for our day. We also loved that St.Peter’s Church was right next door for our ceremony, complete with quirky Vicar, rev. Peter Owen-Jones who has presented a number of BBC documentaries!” Tanya & Nick via lovemydress.net

This is my favourite time of the ceremony – when they see each other for the first time.

Followed by “You may kiss the bride.”

One of the attached buildings to the church was the old Riding School which was transformed into this amazing reception venue.

Now let’s talk about having talented relatives again for a moment……

Nick’s Mum, just happened to be a maker of wedding cakes in the past and I would say that her skills are still very much on par with the professionals.

Beautiful and Delicious!

“Nick’s super creative mum used to make cakes for a living, so the icing on the cake (excuse the pun!)was when she kindly agreed to make our wedding cake. After many delicious cake tasting sessions we chose a chocolate and orange sponge cake as it was also to be our dessert. Following the decadent theme, i mocked up my metallic vision in photoshop which she interpreted beautifully, enhancing it with exquisitely crafted sugar flowers to match the flower arrangements.” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Music can sometimes make or break a good party, so it’s always a wise move to do your homework.

As a guest at this wedding, I can’t remember a single dud song or a want to get off the dance floor – so job well done.  Still Moving DJ’s were fantastic and really fit into Tanya and Nick’s Vintage theme perfectly.

“I had my heart set on finding a DJ who could play gramophone records during the drinks reception, and was so pleased when we found the amazing and lovely chaps Tom and Martin who are Still Moving DJ’s. They also played an amazing evening set from vintage and electro swing to 60’s classics – the dance floor was heaving! Along with their incredible museum like set and live percussion drums, they even surprised us with a cake cutting song ‘if i knew you were coming i’d have baked a cake too!’  I’m also lucky to have a very funny father-in-law who did a fantastic job as MC for the day!” Tanya via lovemydress.net

The sun came out for the day, highlighting this picturesque location……. I’ll let Sara Reeve’s gorgeous photos speak for themselves.

Speaking of Sara Reeve, she is the fabulous photographer who perfectly and beautifully captured the events of the day. Check our her website or you can click here to go straight to Sara’s blog post of Tanya and Nick’s Wedding.

“When I first found our photographer Sara Reeve in the Love Sussex Wedding directory her fresh and quirky style really appealed to me, and i loved how she effortlessly told the story of the day through capturing all the important details. Her warm and bubbly personality also really shone through from her blog entries, and when i spoke to her i immediately warmed to her and was thrilled she was available to photograph our wedding.

Sara was truly fantastic from her exceptional organisational skills, her flexibility and patience on the day in capturing all of our requested shots, to her highly creativity approach which involved jumping around, mexican waves, and lots of kissing!  We were blown away by the superb photographs – Sara did a fantastic job of capturing all our happy highlights.” Tanya & Nick via lovemydress.net

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Those pins there on the left belong to me – rockin’ the dance floor!  This was one of the most fun weddings I’ve even been to.  The setting was divine, the food was delicious, the music was jamming, I was surrounded by my favourite people and the speeches would have to be the best, most hilarious – I’m talking side splittingly so that I’ve heard in ever.

So much time and effort went into making this a worthy celebration of such a special day and what made the day so special was watching my two friends make a commitment to each other, promising to always be by the other’s side.

2015 Update – In May this year, Tanya and Nick welcomed into their lives a beautiful son, Robin. ?

Congratulations to you both.

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So there you have it lovely couples…… a beautiful vintage inspired wedding.

What will be your inspiration?

Give me a call on 0408 490 074 or email me through my Contact Page so we can share some ideas.

{Please note: Sara Reeve has given me permission to use her glorious photos on this blog post. Thank you Sara}

As a Authorised Celebrant in Australia, it is a requirement to give couples wishing to get married a brochure called  Happily Ever Before and After which gives you information about the legal process of getting married and also some helpful hints about pre-marriage counselling.

 

Now, people hear the words “pre-marriage counselling” and think:
Photo: Integrity Church

 

“There’s nothing wrong with us, we don’t need that!”

“We’ve been living together for years, why would we need that?”

Photo: PIxabay

“Nah, that’s not for us.”

Photo: PIxabay

“My boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn’t do that.”

Photo: Pixabay

“What a waste of money.”

Photo: Pixabay

 

Well, I was reading an article entitled: “Why do long term partners split after getting married?” written by Ariel Meadow Stallings, who writes for a website called “Offbeat Bride” and I think she came up with a great theory, not only for long term couples, but for anyone who is considering getting married. Here is my summarised version of Ariel Meadow Stallings’ article.

You hear about it all the time.  Debbie and Matt have been together forever.  They’re the ultimate couple.  They’re the couple you aspire to be like, then they decide to get married and it lasts a year before they’re headed for divorce.  What the hell happened?  All of a sudden people are questioning their own relationships.  If Debbie and Matt can’t make it, what chance have we got?

There are a multitude of reasons why couples split up, but Debbie and Matt, although they lived together for a long time, might have had mis-matched expectations about what their married life would be like.  This can be the same for newer couples, especially if they haven’t had a specific conversation.

You see, some people will have the expectation that “Nothing will change”.  We’ll still live in the same house, we’ll both go to work and we’ll drink at the local on Fridays, except now, we’ll be wearing rings and calling each other Husband and Wife.  For other people, the opposite is true – that “Everything will change”.  Once we get married, I’ll keep working while you stay home and raise our kids and manage the home and there’s no more going out with friends…. There are unlimited scenarios of expectations that could fall in-between those two examples or well and truly beyond them.  But unless you ask your partner before you get married what their expectations are, you’ll never know and you might just get a rude shock if your expectations don’t match up.

Some people get caught up in the fairytale wedding and the marriages they’ve imagined based on movies they’ve seen or relatives they know, but realistically, we need to have these conversations to find out about our partners expectations as well as learning about our own before we head down the aisle.

Here’s a snippet from Ariel’s article – she explained it so well…..

“Neither of these assumptions is in any way wrong. The problem, however, is when the two people getting married don’t talk about their expectations. One partner goes in thinking, say, “This is going to be awesome: once we’re married, the sex is going to get way kinkier because the trust is going to be so much stronger between us!” The other partner goes in thinking, “This is awesome: I’m never going to have to travel alone again. We’ll go places together!” 

The issues arise when they don’t talk these things over, and then go home after the wedding and the one partner is thinking, “Wow, the honeymoon was dull. Where’s my kinky sex?” And the other partner is thinking, “Wait, did they just say they don’t want to go to San Francisco with me next weekend? I thought we were doing everything together now!”

…See the problem?

There is a simple solution to this problem – just talk to your partner, but sometimes, for lots of reasons, this conversation isn’t always easy.  For one, what if you don’t even know what your own expectations are yet?  Some of you will have never been married before – how would you know?  Sure you could look at other people’s marriages – friends, parents, siblings.  People who are close to you are more likely to have similar life values as yourself, but in the end you’ve got to choose for yourself so you don’t end up one day realising that you’re living someone else’s life.

So this is where “Pre-Marriage Counselling” comes in to your marriage planning.  The counsellors help you to ask and answer those questions.  It’s as simple as that!  They will help you to work out what marriage is going to be about for you and your partner.  Is it about supporting each other in everything you do?  Is is about how much sex you have each week?  Is it about travelling the world together?  Or is it about giving each other the confidence to live your own lives, just side by side?

When you think about it, how is this going to harm you if you have a conversation with the person that you’re about to marry? When you’re planning a wedding and you want flowers, you speak to a florist; when you need assistance with a dress, you go to a bridal dress shop or dressmaker and when you’re finding out what you need to do to get married legally, you speak to a celebrant.  So if you need some help working out what type of conversation you should have with your partner – you would ask someone who knows what they’re talking about.

Even if your expectations don’t completely overlap, there is always compromise and who better to help you find ways to do that?

Check out these websites for information around your area and give yourselves the best chance at a great marriage.

Family Relationships

Relationships Australia 

Counselling in Perth

Marriage Vows……..

What do you really want to say to your partner on the most important day in your relationship?

Remember when people used to promise to love, honour and OBEY?????

There are a lot of people out there who still choose to say these words because…. tradition!  But realistically, in your everyday married lives, is obeying your partner’s (well, husband’s as it was only the ladies who said it) every command really what you want?  Who knows – maybe you do and that is your choice, but I like vows that are more realistic and personal to you and your partner.

Here are some wise words from a lady who knows some stuff……

This next part is taken borrowed directly from the Huffington Post Blog entitled: “10 Marriage Vows You Couldn’t Possibly Have Known to Make On Your Wedding Day”.  It was written by Winifred M Reilly, MA, MFT, a psychotherapist specializing in marital therapy,

Let’s be honest. Most of us are more likely to upgrade the operating system on our iPhone than to revise the vows that we made at our wedding.

As I sat writing my vows on the eve of my marriage (yes, it’s true, I’m a big-time procrastinator) I was no better prepared to face the rigors of marriage than I was to pilot a jumbo jet. And, no surprise, like most soon-to-be newlyweds, the promises I made were idealistic and romantic — based on what I imagined it would take to create a marriage that lasts.

Not that there was anything wrong with my vow to be loyal and honest or my promise to stand by my husband through life’s ups and downs. But in order to follow through with those commitments, it became clear, over time, that I needed a new set of promises that went beyond my lofty aspirations and vows of undying love. I needed vows that would address what marriage actually required.

Yes, marriage vows are meant to be idyllic and inspiring, to remind us that true love still exists, to bring an entire room to tears. Our wedding day promises are about love and hope and how we’ll come from our best, not about housecleaning or self-development or what to do when we feel like murdering each other. Imagine the nervous laughter (or horror) if someone vowed to only hate her husband for short periods of time?

None of us can possibly know at the outset what our marriage will bring or what tools we will need. Marriage has challenged almost every assumption I had about myself and my husband. It has asked me to stretch and to grow beyond what I thought possible; to be bigger and more resilient and exponentially more flexible. It has presented challenges that seemed insurmountable and then demanded that I surmount them.

Why not think of our original vows as a first draft that we will eventually replace with a set of promises that reflect a deeper, broader and more realistic understanding of what marriage calls us to do?

Knowing what I now know about the challenges of marriage and what I aspire to as a spouse, here are the vows I would make:

1. I promise to notice and acknowledge the positive things that you do, rather than get hung up on the negatives.

2. I promise to accept that we are different — that we will see the world differently and over the course of our marriage we will want different things. Though I don’t expect this to be easy, I will strive to be open-minded and loving about the way that you see things. Failing that, I will do my best to be tolerant.

3. I promise to do more than my fair share when necessary and to not grouse about it. Keeping score is about fear and stinginess, not about love.

4. I promise to release my end of the rope when we’re in a tug of war, knowing that there’s a cost to my winning when it means that you lose.

5. I promise to not ask you to change in ways that I’m unwilling to change.

6. I promise to not take your annoying behaviors personally, even though I really, really wish you would wash out the sponge.

7. I promise to keep in mind that your basic intention is to be a loving and decent husband, even when you’re not doing so.

8. I promise to drop my expectations of your becoming the man I want you to be as opposed to the man you are.

9. I promise to focus a lot more on my shortcomings and a lot less on yours.

10. I promise to forgive both of us for having not known from the start how to be the kind and generous partners we’ve finally become.

Maybe you might think about rewording your marriage vows, or adding in a few new ones, or updating your old marriage vows?

You can give me a call on 0408 490 074 or contact me HERE to talk about a beautiful vow renewal ceremony.

If you’re thinking of having your beautiful wedding ceremony in a park or on the beach or in any type of public place, then you’re going to need to deal with the council and when you’re dealing with the council, you’re probably going to need a council permit.

Photo: shelleywiltonphotography.com

Each council has their own set of rules and regulations and it’s best to look up the website or call their local office for the area that you are wanting to get married in for the correct information.

Whilst doing a bit of research for you, I found this lovely website called Circle of Love. It has a list of Western Australian (Perth & Mandurah) council websites and contact numbers.

They will organise the council permit application as well as styling and setting up your chosen location.

That’s one or two less things to worry yourselves with!

 

Here are some interesting marriage statistics according to the Australian Bureau or Statistics (ABS) from 2013 – Publish in November 2014 (it takes a while to compile all that data)

Did you know………

There were 118,963 marriages registered in Australia in 2013

72.5% of those marriages were are performed by a civil celebrant

Photo: Don Benson Photography

Which means that only 27.5% of those marriages were performed in a religious ceremony

The average age for men to tie the knot was 31.5 and the average age for the ladies was 29.5

76.6% of all couples that married in 2013 lived together prior to their wedding

It was the first time marrying for both parties with 72.5% of the couples.

For 16.3% one of the couple had been married before

11..4% of marrying couples were both on their second time around (at least)

55% of registered couples were both born in Australia

31.6% of couples were born in a different country from each other

13.2% of couples were born in the same overseas country.

There are 196 countries in the world at last count and only 21 of them currently allow same sex couples to marry legally.

That means that 89% of countries currently don’t.  This is the least of my favourite marriage statistics!

 

What is a Blessingway Ceremony? I hear you all cry…..

Photo: Christine Chrisman

A blessingway or mother’s blessing* is a wonderful alternative to a traditional ‘baby shower’ that is held for a woman approaching birth.  A baby shower tends to focus on the baby – presents of the baby and games centred around the baby, whereas the Blessingway is all about the mother to be.  It literally blesses the way for the mother to be ready for childbirth.

Traditionally, the mother would invite her closest female family and friends, choosing people who offer her friendship, wisdom and trust to participate in a beautiful and meaningful ceremony to help her prepare for the birth.  You can invite friends to bring a plate of food and/or a gift if you like, but the ritualistic ceremony is the central focus of the blessingway.

* Sometimes a blessing way is called a mother’s blessing out of respect for the Navajo people, who have a ceremony called a blessingway on which the modern ceremony is based. Because the modern ceremony does not adhere to the exact rites of the Navajo ceremony they do not always approve of the term being used.

If you are interested in booking a Blessingway Ceremony or would like to learn more, please feel free to contact me.