The Power of Celebration

Celebration

This post “What is the Power of Celebration?” written by Certified Career and Life Coach, Michael Feeley was found in The Huffington Post and was read by yours truly after a meeting of celebrant colleagues had discussed how fabulous it was and how it embodied the true meaning of celebration.

I wanted to share it here with you without all the flashing adverts on the side.

 You’re welcome.

Celebration
Photo included in the article on huffingtonpost.com

What is the Power of Celebration?

How happy and excited are you when you celebrate something?

You celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, holidays — all kinds of personal and special occasions. You give a card or gift, call the person, throw a party, go to lunch or dinner and surprise someone with your love. You think and feel so deeply for the person or people, and it gives you out-and-out, crashing joy.

Those emotions, ceremonies, giving and big feelings of love are all gratitude.

The other morning our phone rang around 7:30 a.m., and the person said, “I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to call right away to wish you — happy anniversary!” It was 100-percent lush, open gratitude.

The power of celebration is this — you are grateful and happy.
Celebration and gratitude are one and the same.

Let’s get more specific

When you celebrate someone’s birthday you’re saying — “I’m grateful you were born.”
An anniversary — “I love you. I’m grateful for our marriage.”
Holidays –Thanksgiving, the Forth of July and Bastille Day, all hail gratitude — “We’re independent. We celebrate living free of tyranny.”
All religions celebrate a higher being… something larger than us… a mighty force that created the world. Terms don’t matter. Call it God, reality or the universe.
Art is a celebration — Music like Mozart’s, “Alleluia,” is utter praise of the world in one word, sung in many different ways.
The musical group, Three Dog Night, sings — “Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music… “

—————————————————-
Modern dance icon Martha Graham expresses it this way,

Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It’s a miracle and the dance is a celebration of that miracle.

—————————————————-

Vincent Van Gogh painted “Starry Night” and “Sunflowers” out of love…

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.

—————————————————-

Poet, Walt Whitman said,
I celebrate myself, and sing myself.

—————————————————-
Parades, customs, prayer, shows, rites, biographies, commemorations, forgiveness, traditions, flower blossoms, friendship… are all an intricate part of gratitude and celebration.

Celebration is active, specific and abundant, as you can see from these examples. Gratitude is simply another word for it. Celebration is gratitude.

Look around you right now. There is something to celebrate; many things to celebrate. Pick one and start an active moment of celebration, an object of gratitude, a taste of celebration, a touch of gratitude, a smell of celebration or a sound of gratitude.

There’s the sun. It rises each day and celebrates with light, heat and growth. We depend on the sun for life. Its brilliance and warmth is a celebration. The power is amazing and gratifying all at once.

Doing the things you love is a way of celebrating and participating in the power and love of gratitude.

For me it’s meditation, gardening, writing, music, being in love and playing with my dog, Tulla. She wakes up every day and always has celebration in her spirit. She’s not moody or tired. She looks forward to breakfast, going outside, and then brings a toy to play… racing and fetching. She shares her happy self. That’s gratitude.

Also — don’t limit your love to just an intimate circle of friends and family. What about spreading celebration to other people, heading into universal love and appreciation? Just like Earth Day.

Where’s the celebration and gratitude in struggle and pain?

Things can be tragic and unbearable in life sometimes, but when you get through it there is tremendous relief. You’re changed. You learn and grow and become strong. The relief is celebration and gratitude for living through hell.

Even in death, we celebrate a person’s life and meaning. Pain and loss have celebration because you feel so much, no matter how bad it may seem. The agony and hurt comes from loving and missing. When we remember and honor the life of someone, their memory is a celebration. You have gratitude to them for being in your life and your loving memories are a personal celebration and tribute to them.

Wikipedia says, “A funeral is a ceremony for celebrating, respecting, sanctifying, or remembering the life of a person who has died.”

What ruins and spoils celebration?

Ingratitude. Selfishness. Greed. Bitterness. Resentment. Anger. Anything negative that tightens you up, restricts and diminishes goodness, kindness and pleasure, kills gratitude and celebration.

You know people who prefer pain and unhappiness. They like to complain about everyone and everything. They choose misery over celebration. It’s destruction — the opposite of celebration.

How does this feel to you? “Let’s cheat and fool people. Let’s treasure our greed and celebrate that. Let’s overcharge people and not care at all.”

Scrooge did it in Charles Dickens tale, A Christmas Carol. Enron did it. Bernie Madoff did it. Brooke Astor’s son did it. They took advantage of people — they took more than they deserved.

Scrooge did change. That’s the beauty of Dickens’ story — he made a new and better choice to celebrate life and give back. Gratitude is way bigger than greed.

What stands for who you truly are and how you want to live — being dishonest or being grateful and good?

How can you be honest and kind all the time, not off and on, not a tiny bit of giving when you feel like it… but all the time?

We make choices and take action every second of our lives, to be a certain way… to either be negative or positive; grateful or resentful; happy or miserable; complaining, cold and mean or sincerely warm, kind and happy. Choices have consequences.

—————————————————-

People of our time are losing the power of celebration. Instead of celebrating we seek to be amused or entertained. Celebration is an active state, an act of expressing reverence or appreciation. To be entertained is a passive state — it is to receive pleasure afforded by an amusing act or a spectacle… Celebration is a confrontation, giving attention to the transcendent meaning of one’s actions. — Abraham Joshua Heschel

—————————————————-
The energy of celebration is tremendous! Why not make it the predominant energy, choice and force that runs your life? Play at it. Commit. Have fun and see the results. Reap the bounty and benefits of “gratitudbration” or “celebratude.” They’re exactly the same no matter how you mix them up.

Don’t put celebration off for another moment or for a special occasion. Tap into it. Step in and live the joyous power of celebrating and being grateful for life.

—————————————————-

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. — Oprah Winfrey

—————————————————-

A Beautiful Vintage Inspired Wedding

When my friends, Tanya and Nick got married at their vintage inspired wedding, everything was so gloriously beautiful that an article was written on the Love My Dress blog entitled:

PEACOCKS AND BUTTERFLIES – AN ELEGANT 1920S GATSBY AND 1930S DECO ELEGANCE INSPIRED WEDDING

By Annabel at www.lovemydress.net

Please enjoy…….

A Beautiful, Vintage Inspired Wedding

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer – Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Not too long ago I was a guest at two of my favourite friends – Tanya and Nick’s wedding in the UK.

Tanya is a freelance creative art worker who is super clever and stylish and Nick is an IT wizz who loves Sci-fi and is quietly hilarious.  They have great love story.  It was suggested by mutual friends that they meet as they were sure the two would get along.  The first (blind) date was set and they were to meet under the state of Eros – The Greek God Of Love in London’s Piccadilly Circus.

Quite fortuitous, some might say…..

Eros, God of Love
Eros, God of Love

That date was the first of many.

Skipping ahead somewhat past the courting stage and the moving in stage to the proposal – in France, no less – this couple just screams ‘romance’!  Nick had procured Tanya’s Grandmother’s engagement ring from Tanya’s parents without her knowing and had it resized to fit her dainty fingers.

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com
Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Their wedding theme began with the 1920’s ring and developed into a vintage, art deco – think Great Gatsby with peacock feathers extravaganza.

“Tanya’s dress was from the made to measure collection by vintage wedding dress specialists, Hope and Harlequin – created using an original 1930s dress pattern.” Annabel, www.lovemydress.net

“My bias-cut dress was created using a gorgeous 1930s chevron pattern, from lustrous heavy champagne silk satin. It featured a stunning back view with an elegantly plunging v and a beautiful floppy bow at the waist.  I tried on a range of original vintage dresses prior to the made-to-measure collection which were all gorgeous, but as soon as I slipped on the ‘Chevron’ dress it was the wow moment every bride is waiting for.” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Tanya’s “something old” was her Great Grandmother’s lace veil……

“When we held up my great grandmother’s delicate lace vintage veil (over 100 years old!) against the dress, I was thrilled that the style and colour was a perfect match. We decided to arrange it as a demure shrug for the Church service rather than a traditional veil, draping down my back to show off the scalloped edges and compliment the low V of the back.” Tanya via lovemydress.net  

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com
Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Living in England, there was no shortage of beautiful flowers and luckily – relatives with very green thumbs and extraordinary flower arranging skills.

“We are fortunate to have a very green-fingered family, and subsequently all the stunning flower arrangements, including Dahlias and lace cap hydrangeas, in the church and reception were lovingly home grown by both our mums, and Nick’s Aunties Mavis and Doreen. We also foraged for Ivy in the local woods the day before!” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

From the amazing bouquets to the gorgeous table centre pieces……..

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

……. to the Groom and Groomsmen’s button holes – these generous and creative ladies did an exquisite job.

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

The location for this elegant shindig was Firle Place – a little village off a country Road in the heart of Sussex Downs, about 100kms from London. In the centre of the village sits The Ram Inn – a traditional open-fire inn with exceptional locally-sourced and produced food. The village also has its own blacksmith, one of the oldest cricket clubs in the world (founded in 1758) and even a well-known bonfire society.

The beautiful 13th Century St Peter’s Church in Firle contains, amongst many other things, a large stained glass window by John Piper depicting Blake’s Tree of Life.

“We fell in love with Firle Place as soon as we set eyes on it! Nestled in the South Downs, it’s a stunning private residence steeped in history. Sir John Gage, a close friend of Henry VIII, built the manor house in the early 16th century, and we knew straight away the barn style riding school and beautiful grounds would be perfect for our day. We also loved that St.Peter’s Church was right next door for our ceremony, complete with quirky Vicar, rev. Peter Owen-Jones who has presented a number of BBC documentaries!” Tanya & Nick via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

This is my favourite time of the ceremony – when they see each other for the first time.

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Followed by “You may kiss the bride.”

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

One of the attached buildings to the church was the old Riding School which was transformed into this amazing reception venue.

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Now let’s talk about having talented relatives again for a moment……

Nick’s Mum, just happened to be a maker of wedding cakes in the past and I would say that her skills are still very much on par with the professionals.

Beautiful and Delicious!

“Nick’s super creative mum used to make cakes for a living, so the icing on the cake (excuse the pun!)was when she kindly agreed to make our wedding cake. After many delicious cake tasting sessions we chose a chocolate and orange sponge cake as it was also to be our dessert. Following the decadent theme, i mocked up my metallic vision in photoshop which she interpreted beautifully, enhancing it with exquisitely crafted sugar flowers to match the flower arrangements.” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Music can sometimes make or break a good party, so it’s always a wise move to do your homework.

As a guest at this wedding, I can’t remember a single dud song or a want to get off the dance floor – so job well done.  Still Moving DJ’s were fantastic and really fit into Tanya and Nick’s Vintage theme perfectly.

“I had my heart set on finding a DJ who could play gramophone records during the drinks reception, and was so pleased when we found the amazing and lovely chaps Tom and Martin who are Still Moving DJ’s. They also played an amazing evening set from vintage and electro swing to 60’s classics – the dance floor was heaving! Along with their incredible museum like set and live percussion drums, they even surprised us with a cake cutting song ‘if i knew you were coming i’d have baked a cake too!’  I’m also lucky to have a very funny father-in-law who did a fantastic job as MC for the day!” Tanya via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

The sun came out for the day, highlighting this picturesque location……. I’ll let Sara Reeve’s gorgeous photos speak for themselves.

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com
Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com
Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

Speaking of Sara Reeve, she is the fabulous photographer who perfectly and beautifully captured the events of the day. Check our her website or you can click here to go straight to Sara’s blog post of Tanya and Nick’s Wedding.

“When I first found our photographer Sara Reeve in the Love Sussex Wedding directory her fresh and quirky style really appealed to me, and i loved how she effortlessly told the story of the day through capturing all the important details. Her warm and bubbly personality also really shone through from her blog entries, and when i spoke to her i immediately warmed to her and was thrilled she was available to photograph our wedding.

Sara was truly fantastic from her exceptional organisational skills, her flexibility and patience on the day in capturing all of our requested shots, to her highly creativity approach which involved jumping around, mexican waves, and lots of kissing!  We were blown away by the superb photographs – Sara did a fantastic job of capturing all our happy highlights.” Tanya & Nick via lovemydress.net

Vintage Inspired Wedding
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

??????

Those pins there on the left belong to me – rockin’ the dance floor!  This was one of the most fun weddings I’ve even been to.  The setting was divine, the food was delicious, the music was jamming, I was surrounded by my favourite people and the speeches would have to be the best, most hilarious – I’m talking side splittingly so that I’ve heard in ever.

Photographer: Sara Reeve - www.sarareeve.com
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

So much time and effort went into making this a worthy celebration of such a special day and what made the day so special was watching my two friends make a commitment to each other, promising to always be by the other’s side.

Photographer: Sara Reeve - www.sarareeve.com
Photographer: Sara Reeve – www.sarareeve.com

2015 Update – In May this year, Tanya and Nick welcomed into their lives a beautiful son, Robin. ?

Congratulations to you both.

???

So there you have it lovely couples…… a beautiful vintage inspired wedding.

What will be your inspiration?

Give me a call on 0408 490 074 or email me through my Contact Page so we can share some ideas.

www.meantforyou-marriagecelebrant.com.au
meantforyou-marriagecelebrant.com.au

{Please note: Sara Reeve has given me permission to use her glorious photos on this blog post. Thank you Sara}

Sara Reeve Photography Logo

Do We Need Pre-Marriage Counselling?

As a Authorised Celebrant in Australia, it is a requirement to give couples wishing to get married a brochure called  Happily Ever Before and After which gives you information about the legal process of getting married and also some helpful hints about pre-marriage counselling.

Happily Ever After Pg1

Happily Ever After Pg2

 

Now, people hear the words “pre-marriage counselling” and think:
Photo: Integrity Church

 

“There’s nothing wrong with us, we don’t need that!”

“We’ve been living together for years, why would we need that?”

Photo: PIxabay

“Nah, that’s not for us.”

Photo: PIxabay

“My boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn’t do that.”

Photo: Pixabay

“What a waste of money.”

Photo: Pixabay

 

Well, I was reading an article entitled: “Why do long term partners split after getting married?” written by Ariel Meadow Stallings, who writes for a website called “Offbeat Bride” and I think she came up with a great theory, not only for long term couples, but for anyone who is considering getting married. Here is my summarised version of Ariel Meadow Stallings’ article.

images-1

You hear about it all the time.  Debbie and Matt have been together forever.  They’re the ultimate couple.  They’re the couple you aspire to be like, then they decide to get married and it lasts a year before they’re headed for divorce.  What the hell happened?  All of a sudden people are questioning their own relationships.  If Debbie and Matt can’t make it, what chance have we got?

There are a multitude of reasons why couples split up, but Debbie and Matt, although they lived together for a long time, might have had mis-matched expectations about what their married life would be like.  This can be the same for newer couples, especially if they haven’t had a specific conversation.

You see, some people will have the expectation that “Nothing will change”.  We’ll still live in the same house, we’ll both go to work and we’ll drink at the local on Fridays, except now, we’ll be wearing rings and calling each other Husband and Wife.  For other people, the opposite is true – that “Everything will change”.  Once we get married, I’ll keep working while you stay home and raise our kids and manage the home and there’s no more going out with friends…. There are unlimited scenarios of expectations that could fall in-between those two examples or well and truly beyond them.  But unless you ask your partner before you get married what their expectations are, you’ll never know and you might just get a rude shock if your expectations don’t match up.

Some people get caught up in the fairytale wedding and the marriages they’ve imagined based on movies they’ve seen or relatives they know, but realistically, we need to have these conversations to find out about our partners expectations as well as learning about our own before we head down the aisle.

Here’s a snippet from Ariel’s article – she explained it so well…..

“Neither of these assumptions is in any way wrong. The problem, however, is when the two people getting married don’t talk about their expectations. One partner goes in thinking, say, “This is going to be awesome: once we’re married, the sex is going to get way kinkier because the trust is going to be so much stronger between us!” The other partner goes in thinking, “This is awesome: I’m never going to have to travel alone again. We’ll go places together!” 

The issues arise when they don’t talk these things over, and then go home after the wedding and the one partner is thinking, “Wow, the honeymoon was dull. Where’s my kinky sex?” And the other partner is thinking, “Wait, did they just say they don’t want to go to San Francisco with me next weekend? I thought we were doing everything together now!”

…See the problem?

There is a simple solution to this problem – just talk to your partner, but sometimes, for lots of reasons, this conversation isn’t always easy.  For one, what if you don’t even know what your own expectations are yet?  Some of you will have never been married before – how would you know?  Sure you could look at other people’s marriages – friends, parents, siblings.  People who are close to you are more likely to have similar life values as yourself, but in the end you’ve got to choose for yourself so you don’t end up one day realising that you’re living someone else’s life.

So this is where “Pre-Marriage Counselling” comes in to your marriage planning.  The counsellors help you to ask and answer those questions.  It’s as simple as that!  They will help you to work out what marriage is going to be about for you and your partner.  Is it about supporting each other in everything you do?  Is is about how much sex you have each week?  Is it about travelling the world together?  Or is it about giving each other the confidence to live your own lives, just side by side?

When you think about it, how is this going to harm you if you have a conversation with the person that you’re about to marry? When you’re planning a wedding and you want flowers, you speak to a florist; when you need assistance with a dress, you go to a bridal dress shop or dressmaker and when you’re finding out what you need to do to get married legally, you speak to a celebrant.  So if you need some help working out what type of conversation you should have with your partner – you would ask someone who knows what they’re talking about.

Even if your expectations don’t completely overlap, there is always compromise and who better to help you find ways to do that?

Check out these websites for information around your area and give yourselves the best chance at a great marriage.

Family Relationships

Relationships Australia 

Counselling in Perth

Marriage Vows You May Not Have Thought Of…..

Marriage Vows……..

What do you really want to say to your partner on the most important day in your relationship?

Groom placing a wedding ring on his Brides finger

Remember when people used to promise to love, honour and OBEY?????

Wedding-Memories-love-honor-and-obey-vows-advert-a-National-Vintage-Wedding-Fair-blog

There are a lot of people out there who still choose to say these words because…. tradition!  But realistically, in your everyday married lives, is obeying your partner’s (well, husband’s as it was only the ladies who said it) every command really what you want?  Who knows – maybe you do and that is your choice, but I like vows that are more realistic and personal to you and your partner.

1b4f40324ca52089b6cc7343d8ebefe1

Here are some wise words from a lady who knows some stuff……

This next part is taken borrowed directly from the Huffington Post Blog entitled: “10 Marriage Vows You Couldn’t Possibly Have Known to Make On Your Wedding Day”.  It was written by Winifred M Reilly, MA, MFT, a psychotherapist specializing in marital therapy,

Let’s be honest. Most of us are more likely to upgrade the operating system on our iPhone than to revise the vows that we made at our wedding.

As I sat writing my vows on the eve of my marriage (yes, it’s true, I’m a big-time procrastinator) I was no better prepared to face the rigors of marriage than I was to pilot a jumbo jet. And, no surprise, like most soon-to-be newlyweds, the promises I made were idealistic and romantic — based on what I imagined it would take to create a marriage that lasts.

Not that there was anything wrong with my vow to be loyal and honest or my promise to stand by my husband through life’s ups and downs. But in order to follow through with those commitments, it became clear, over time, that I needed a new set of promises that went beyond my lofty aspirations and vows of undying love. I needed vows that would address what marriage actually required.

Yes, marriage vows are meant to be idyllic and inspiring, to remind us that true love still exists, to bring an entire room to tears. Our wedding day promises are about love and hope and how we’ll come from our best, not about housecleaning or self-development or what to do when we feel like murdering each other. Imagine the nervous laughter (or horror) if someone vowed to only hate her husband for short periods of time?

None of us can possibly know at the outset what our marriage will bring or what tools we will need. Marriage has challenged almost every assumption I had about myself and my husband. It has asked me to stretch and to grow beyond what I thought possible; to be bigger and more resilient and exponentially more flexible. It has presented challenges that seemed insurmountable and then demanded that I surmount them.

Why not think of our original vows as a first draft that we will eventually replace with a set of promises that reflect a deeper, broader and more realistic understanding of what marriage calls us to do?

Knowing what I now know about the challenges of marriage and what I aspire to as a spouse, here are the vows I would make:

1. I promise to notice and acknowledge the positive things that you do, rather than get hung up on the negatives.

2. I promise to accept that we are different — that we will see the world differently and over the course of our marriage we will want different things. Though I don’t expect this to be easy, I will strive to be open-minded and loving about the way that you see things. Failing that, I will do my best to be tolerant.

3. I promise to do more than my fair share when necessary and to not grouse about it. Keeping score is about fear and stinginess, not about love.

4. I promise to release my end of the rope when we’re in a tug of war, knowing that there’s a cost to my winning when it means that you lose.

5. I promise to not ask you to change in ways that I’m unwilling to change.

6. I promise to not take your annoying behaviors personally, even though I really, really wish you would wash out the sponge.

7. I promise to keep in mind that your basic intention is to be a loving and decent husband, even when you’re not doing so.

8. I promise to drop my expectations of your becoming the man I want you to be as opposed to the man you are.

9. I promise to focus a lot more on my shortcomings and a lot less on yours.

10. I promise to forgive both of us for having not known from the start how to be the kind and generous partners we’ve finally become.

photo from easyweddings.com.au
photo from easyweddings.com.au

Maybe you might think about rewording your marriage vows, or adding in a few new ones, or updating your old marriage vows?

You can give me a call on 0408 490 074 or contact me HERE to talk about a beautiful vow renewal ceremony.

Council Permit ? Do You Need One For Your Wedding ?

Meant For You - Marriage Celebrant

If you’re thinking of having your beautiful wedding ceremony in a park or on the beach or in any type of public place, then you’re going to need to deal with the council and when you’re dealing with the council, you’re probably going to need a council permit.

Meant For You - Marriage CelebrantPhoto: shelleywiltonphotography.com

Each council has their own set of rules and regulations and it’s best to look up the website or call their local office for the area that you are wanting to get married in for the correct information.

Whilst doing a bit of research for you, I found this lovely website called Circle of Love. It has a list of Western Australian (Perth & Mandurah) council websites and contact numbers.

They will organise the council permit application as well as styling and setting up your chosen location.

That’s one or two less things to worry yourselves with!

Circle of Love

 

Give Me The Stats – STAT!

Here are some interesting marriage statistics according to the Australian Bureau or Statistics (ABS) from 2013 – Publish in November 2014 (it takes a while to compile all that data)

Did you know………

There were 118,963 marriages registered in Australia in 2013

mass wedding

72.5% of those marriages were are performed by a civil celebrant

Photo: Don Benson Photography

Which means that only 27.5% of those marriages were performed in a religious ceremony

Church Wedding

The average age for men to tie the knot was 31.5 and the average age for the ladies was 29.5

marriage-age

76.6% of all couples that married in 2013 lived together prior to their wedding

living together

It was the first time marrying for both parties with 72.5% of the couples.

Nervous_Bride

For 16.3% one of the couple had been married before

Tom+Cruise+Katie+Holmes+Wedding+Day+d0VtfB6Vow_l

11..4% of marrying couples were both on their second time around (at least)

brady bunch dvd cover

55% of registered couples were both born in Australia

born in Australia

31.6% of couples were born in a different country from each other

face-art-flags-two-young-fans-their-countries-painted-faces-holding-soccer-ball-germany-brazil-47511875

13.2% of couples were born in the same overseas country.

USA

There are 196 countries in the world at last count and only 21 of them currently allow same sex couples to marry legally.

20150629_Gay_Marriage_Fo

That means that 89% of countries currently don’t.  This is the least of my favourite marriage statistics!

Marriage Equality

 

Blessingway Ceremony

www.meantforyou-marriagecelebrant.com.au/blessing-way-ceremony

What is a Blessingway Ceremony? I hear you all cry…..

Blessing Way CeremonyPhoto: Christine Chrisman

A blessingway or mother’s blessing* is a wonderful alternative to a traditional ‘baby shower’ that is held for a woman approaching birth.  A baby shower tends to focus on the baby – presents of the baby and games centred around the baby, whereas the Blessingway is all about the mother to be.  It literally blesses the way for the mother to be ready for childbirth.

Traditionally, the mother would invite her closest female family and friends, choosing people who offer her friendship, wisdom and trust to participate in a beautiful and meaningful ceremony to help her prepare for the birth.  You can invite friends to bring a plate of food and/or a gift if you like, but the ritualistic ceremony is the central focus of the blessingway.

Bless way healthy food

* Sometimes a blessing way is called a mother’s blessing out of respect for the Navajo people, who have a ceremony called a blessingway on which the modern ceremony is based. Because the modern ceremony does not adhere to the exact rites of the Navajo ceremony they do not always approve of the term being used.

History of Blessingways

Blessingways are traditional to the First American Navajo who mark the transition a woman makes when she moves into motherhood.  It is a time when she is nurtured and honoured by the other women in her community. The Blessingway Ceremony acknowledges the commitment and energy involved in being a mother and gives her a time where all the energy is available for her to receive. This ceremony can be given to a woman each time she has a child, as with each child comes a new level of commitment.

To make the most of the ceremony the mother to be should allow herself to receive all the positive female energy being offered to her.

The blessingway is also a great way for the mother to prepare for the birth.  This is an opportunity for the women to share their experiences and for the mother to express any fears or worries she may have within a safe and sacred setting, receiving much needed support.

Blessing Way

Here are some ideas to help you create your special day:

You can choose as many rituals as you like, keeping in mind the length of the ceremony.  Choose a ritual that would best suit your group of ladies

Bead Ceremony 

Bead Ceremony Blessing Way

Each woman is asked to bring a bead for a blessing necklace. At some time during the ceremony a bowl is handed around the circle and each woman gives her bead and a blessing for mother and baby – this can be in the form of a wish; a poem; a lyric or a word. At the end of the ceremony one of the women threads the beads together and gives the necklace to the mother to have with her during the birth. This helps the mother to be connected to all her women friends and draw on that strength when she is giving birth. People who are unable to attend the ceremony can still participate by sending their bead and their blessing for another friend or the celebrant to read out on their behalf.

Binding of the wrists 

blessing-way-bracelet

You will need a reel of wool or fine thread. The colour is usually Red to represent Blood.  This is bound around each woman’s left wrist by the woman who sits to the left of her, as each woman binds the thread on the other woman’s wrist she says ‘from women we were born into this circle, from women we were born unto this earth’. This ritual is symbolic of the thread that connects us all as women. It also keeps each woman tuned into the birthing mother as she leads up to her time and reminds them to send her positive, loving energy as they all see their red string every morning until the baby is born. Once each guest has delivered her helpful post-natal task for the birthing mother, i.e.: cooking a dinner; picking up older kids from school; offering to do the washing, etc…. the red string can be removed.

Candle ceremony

Blessing Way Candle Ceremony

A candle is lit and passed to each woman in the circle. As they hold the candle they share their blessings for the mother to be and her baby.  An alternative to this is that the women can tie a second piece of string around a candle that the mother then lights during the birth.

Massaging the Mother 

blessingway massage

Take along some lush, pregnancy friendly, massage oils and be sure to give her the full treatment with as many women as possible joining in. Brush her hair, give her a facial, whatever indulgence she wants.

Flowers 

Blessing Way Flowers

Flowers are symbolic of natures’ abundance and beauty just as a woman is when she is pregnant. Ask all the women to bring flowers and create a beautiful crown for the mother to be to wear during the ceremony.

Belly Casting 

Belly Cast

A kit is usually the easiest way to ensure success with a belly casting. You can either do your cast in private and then have it at the Blessingway Circle as a group activity to decorate. Alternatively, you can create the Belly cast as part of your blessing way ceremony. Here are a few links where you can purchase the DIY kits: (please note, I haven’t used these products or purchased from these companies before, I have just made the google search a little easier for you)

Belly Casting

Here are some companies that I found:

http://www.bellycasting.com.au/item_107/PREGNANCY-BELLY-CASTING-KIT.htm

http://www.pregnancy.com.au/shop/products/Deluxe-Pregnancy-Belly-Cast-Kit.html

http://www.babybunting.com.au/belly-art-diy-belly-casting-kit.html

Prayer Flags 

Blessing Way Prayer Flags

Flags are a beautiful way to create a lasting memory of a blessing way ritual. Each guest is given a piece of fabric of equal size to decorate. You will need fabric pens, sewing materials, fabric scraps and more so your guests can create a unque prayer flag specifically for you and your baby.  You can also purchase ready made bunting to use if you are a little sewing machine challenged.

Post Birth Support 

Bringing dinner for a friend

On the day of the Blessingway Ceremony have a close friend take the names and contact details of each woman present to be put on a ‘support roster’ for bringing meals after the birth. Each woman brings one meal (ensuring the ingredients are breastfeeding friendly) to the new mother and helps out in any way she can when she drops it off – e.g. dishwashing, clothes washing etc… This support is invaluable for the new mum at a big transition time in her life.

Henna Painting

If you are interested in booking a Blessingway Ceremony or would like to learn more, please feel free to contact me.

Communication is the Key……. sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.

Communication Is The Key

communication in marriage

Be who you are

You came to the relationship as whole people, with your own identities and a purpose in life. Share your happiness, look forward to everything you’ll do together, make choices and decisions together, feel better about everything when your partner walks in the room, and miss them when they’ve gone – but honour your individuality. Keep your interests and hobbies, maintain friendships with your friends and continue to bring new life to your relationship.

Marriage Equality

Why I Married You

As you know yourself, know your marriage – why do you love each other, what do you need, what have you learned to give and take in this relationship?  People will offer their advice, telling you when to buy a house, or when your should have children, or if you only did “this” then your marriage would be different/better/more like theirs. But remember, they don’t know your marriage like you do.  They don’t know your partner like you do.

10 reasons why I married you

We love differently

People can love each other equally and show it very differently. A person of words can be married to a person of action, but as long as each person knows that they are loved the best way their partner knows how, then all can be right with the world.  Be open, be understanding, be accepting and be loved.

How do I love thee?

Talk

Small amounts of honest communication all the time, even when you can’t be together is far more effective than absent communication all the time – even when you’re in the same room! So talk often, share your ideas and your dreams and the funny thing that happened at work today

Listen

Listening is the most underrated and unused tool in communication. Learn to listen as much as you wish to be heard.  You might do this now, but life will get noisy. Make a point of switching off and focusing everything on the person talking.  Listening is not just making eye contact and waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can have your turn to say something. That’s just hearing – and sometimes it’s not even that!

 I once read that if you talk but don’t listen, you are only ever hearing the things you already know, but if you listen, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to learn something new.  How romantic to be constantly learning new things about the person you love.

Bring it up

Even if you are sure what is in your loved one’s heart, never think you know what’s in their mind. Don’t let something go just to avoid disagreeing.  Give each other a chance to be understanding and allow yourself to be surprised.

Use Humour

When stuff happens that won’t matter in a year from now, do your best to treat it with humour. Humour heals, humour binds, humour relieves everything in the world and makes life easier. It lightens the mood and It also improves your facial expression.

Ask

When you do get upset with each other, start conversations with these words: “I’m having trouble with something, but I think you can help.” It’s amazing how responsive people can be when they are invited to help you, rather than defend themselves.

couple-walk-hold-hands-picnic-green.1200w.tn

And…

The most important thing, what will help you live within the hearts of each other, as well as in the same house, is this:

If it’s happy, if it’s loving, if you mean it…

Say it.

You make me happy.
I appreciate you.
I love you.
I’m glad I married you.

and

I would do it all again!

renewing vows

And that’s when you contact me again to renew your vows……. in fact, why wait 30 years?

Why not renew them every year!

What Is A Naming Ceremony?

Naming Ceremony? What’s a Naming Ceremony?

Well, I’m glad you asked!

The Naming Ceremony is a celebration where you formally introduce the newest member of your family to your extended family and friends. You can use this as an opportunity to share the names you’ve given to your child and the reasons why those names were chosen as well as the hopes and dreams you have for your bundle of joy.

It’s a little bit like Simba being presented to his jungle community.

Naming Day Ceremony

There are a number of celebrations that can happen when a new person joins your family.  You can either give birth to your own biological child, adopt a child or even if you have a child who wants to change their name because they’re identifying as a different gender or simply wants to be known by a different name.

Photo: Pixabay

It’s also a time where you, as parents are able to officially name those extra adults that you want to play a special part in your child’s life.  These adults are sometimes called God Parents or Guardians or Mentors.  They can make a statement in front of family and friends in accepting this responsibility.  In the Christian religions, the God Parents are chosen to be responsible for the child’s spiritual growth, however as people are moving further away from the church, the role is more relevant if the chosen person acts as an extra  adult who can be there instead of or alongside of you as the parents.

God Parents
photo taken from: kidspot.com.au

A Naming Day can be held at any time.  The timing is different for each religious culture for various reasons, but you can hold the ceremony whenever it suits you – right after your baby is born; a year later to coincide with your child’s first birthday; a week after you’ve adopted or when the grand parents are in town.

Meant For You

You can make the ceremony as formal or as casual as you like.  You might like to include readings or poems or a welcoming/family combining ritual.  You might like to plant a tree in your garden or have your guests fill a box with snippets of advice or wishes for your child to open and read when they’re older. Some people like to commemorate the day with Naming Day Certificates and others will stamp the day with other tokens such as framed photos, fridge magnets, stubby holders or something fun like a bobblehead in the likeness of your child.

Naming Day Ceremony

If you are interested in having a Naming Ceremony for your child, then look no further.  Please feel free to get in touch if you have any questions or you’re ready to lock in your special day.  I’d be happy to help in any way that I can.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Marriage Equality

Just recently I read a blog post written by a truly fabulous marriage celebrant, Josh Withers – he has been my inspiration since becoming a celebrant myself…. but enough of the rockstar celebrant groupiness!  Josh wrote a blog called Why Gay Brides and Grooms are the Luckiest and it’s all about how straight weddings seem to be bound by 100s of years of tradition, whereas ‘gay’ weddings can be a blank canvas of new ideas and creativity. Whilst some wedding traditions may still be held dear to some couples, the origins behind them will only seem less relevant than they are already when we introduce marriage equality and you can marry who ever you love.

I have a strong feeling that this monumental shift in becoming an equal society – marriage-wise won’t be far away, so those people who have been waiting for their chance to make their love legal in Australia, you’d better get your creative thinking hats on so you can celebrate in your own true style.

This is where you and your partner get to choose your own adventure……

Photo: The Stream

Choose your own attire – You could pick your favourite outfits; choose matching outfits; make them white if you want to – but do it because you WANT to, not because you feel you HAVE to; or dress up as your favourite GOT character….. you can do what ever you want!

two bridesPhoto: Heather Waraksa

Choose your own venue – A friend of mine recently got married in an old, art deco cinema, which is not only cool because you have a big screen to play a pictorial montage of you and your partner being all lovely, the seats are extremely comfy!  Or what about a boat?  You could hire a boat and a skipper for the day and cruise up and down the river whilst you declare your love, rainbow flags flying high.

Lloyd Photographers – Treehouse Point

 

Choose your own way to set up your ceremony – if you WANT to walk down an aisle, then go for it, but you could set it up so your guests are surrounding you in a circle – a circle of love; or maybe you’re into magic and you and your partner want to appear out of a puff of smoke as if you’ve appeared from nowhere – cue spooky music and magic hands…. nothing (as long as it’s legal) is out of bounds.

grooms arriving at their wedding

I understand that you may not want to jump the gun with the powers that be taking their sweet time on what is an obvious decision, but there’s no harm in being red red ready when the hammer finally falls.

And if your adventure is your dad walking you down the aisle in a white dress, your family on the left, your partner’s on the right and saying “I do!”…. then, who am I to judge?

bride-father-walking-down-aisle9x12

Choose your own adventure.

Rainbow Flag